Working with Us

Before the Match
Understand the law. Make sure you understand your local adoption law. This may vary from county to county within a state. Talk to other parents that have adopted or join an adoptive parent support group. The adoption agency or social worker that did your homestudy should understand the law and you can always meet with an adoption attorney. It is important to remember in some areas of the country that adoption law is complicated and sometimes convoluted. It may even defy common sense.

If you finalize in your local county, know what expenses are permissible and know if it makes a difference whether you do an agency adoption or an attorney adoption. Sometimes living expenses are not allowed in your home state but it is not a problem if you finalize in another state where they are allowed. And sometimes this depends on whether you use an agency or attorney to do your legal work. Know this information before you choose a birthmother because some birthmother situations may not work for you. This is why we recommend that you work with us in conjunction with your local adoption agency or attorney. The last thing you want to do is get into a good situation and find out it’s more complicated legally (and thus more expensive) than you had planned. This is your responsibility. We are not attorneys and do not understand all the laws in all the states.

Assess your budget.
Do an honest assessment of your financial resources. This may include savings, equity, help from within your families or loans. Do not pick a situation whose estimated expenses stretch your budget. Unanticipated expenses are possible or things can go wrong and you may have to start again.

Your money must be relatively liquid. Most adoption professionals require their fee up front and in cash. We do not recommend borrowing money unless you are at the end of an adoption and it looks very good.

Have realistic expectations. A crisis pregnancy is just that—a crisis. And if it’s a crisis for a birthmother, you can believe it will also be a crisis for you as an adoptive parent. Do not expect things to go smoothly; instead, expect a roller-coaster ride. You won’t be disappointed. Unanticipated things can and do happen—that is the nature of getting your baby this way.

Pray for guidance.
It has been our experience that god is a big fan of adoption. Ask Him for help. Answering prayers is one of his specialties.

After the match
Hire a professional. After you have a birthmother that wants to work with you, it is your responsibility to get the appropriate professional to handle the face-to-face relationship with her. We have the names of attorneys and agencies in some areas of the country that former clients have told us are competent and reasonably priced. In most cases you want someone who can do the social work as well as the legal work. Do not shortchange the former; it is an important part of successful adoptions.

Make sure you understand how the attorney or agency charges and how much of your money is at risk. Ask how much of your money will be refunded if your birthmother does not place. It doesn’t hurt to shop around; you will be surprised at how much prices can vary. This process is often best done through your local agency or attorney because they should know the right questions to ask. They can often negotiate a better price than you can.

The professional you hire should be experienced and competent. This is hard to assess over the phone, but try to get some references, especially professional references that work with the person on a regular basis. We have one attorney we work with that gets surrenders on almost every birthmother he works with, whether in his backyard or across the country. We know of other professionals that only do well with birthmothers that live close to them. And we know of still other professionals whose percentage of placement is mediocre.

Get an assessment.
The first thing the attorney or agency you hire should do is a personal visit with your birthmother. This is best done in her home. A competent professional will glean a wealth of information from this visit. It should reveal any major flaws in your situation and you should have the option of pulling out of the situation if there are major problems with only the loss of a few hundred dollars.

Talk to your birthmother.
There is no substitute for your personal interaction with your birthmother. From experience, we recommend that you call her regularly and, if possible, schedule a visit. A genuine rapport with the birthmother of your child is a common denominator of most successful adoptions. This may be a new experience for you and stretch your comfort level, but it’s worth it. It increases your chances of getting your baby and will give you valuable information, which you can share with your adopted child as he/she gets older. Of course, you must respect any boundaries that your birthmother has and always be gracious.

If you have trouble breaking the ice give us a call. We can pass on some hints. If things don’t seem to be going well, call us. Again, we may have some hints for you.

Remember that there are a few birthmothers that want little or no contact with the adoptive parents. Your paperwork should tell you that. In these cases, the professional that you hire will need to have a good relationship with your birthmother.

Keep in contact with us.
Over the years we have seen certain patterns from birthmothers that intend to place, those that may not and scammers. By contacting us regularly on the progress of your situation we may be able to reassure you that things are going well or warn you to be careful. Keep in mind that some professionals in this business lack the experience to read the handwriting on the wall.