Working With Us After the Match

A Match
A match is when both parties agree to work with each other. If you’re an adoptive parent, it is important to remember that there are many, many more couples looking to adopt than there are babies available. In this competitive atmosphere it is important to remember one of the unwritten laws of adoption: the birth mother rules.

Hire a Professional
After you have a birth mother that wants to work with you, it is your responsibility to get the appropriate adoption professional to handle the face-to-face relationship with her. We have the names of adoption attorneys and agencies in some areas of the country that former clients have told us are competent and reasonably priced.

Make sure you understand how the attorney or agency charges and how much of your money is at risk. Ask how much of your money will be refunded if your birthmother does not place. This process is often best done through your local adoption agency or attorney because they should know the right questions to ask. They can often negotiate a better price than you can.

The adoption professional you hire should be experienced and competent. This is hard to assess over the phone, but try to get some references, especially professional references that work with the person on a regular basis. We have one adoption attorney we work with that gets surrenders on almost every birthmother he works with, whether in his backyard or across the country. We know of other adoption professionals that only do well with birth mothers that live close to them. And we know of still other professionals whose percentage of placement is mediocre.

Get an Assessment
The first thing the adoption attorney or agency you hire should do is a personal visit with your birth mother. This is best done in her home. A competent adoption professional will glean a wealth of information from this visit. It should reveal any major flaws in your situation and you should have the option of pulling out of the situation if there are major problems with only the loss of a few hundred dollars.

Talk to your Birth Mother
There is no substitute for your personal interaction with your birth mother. From experience, we recommend that you call her regularly. A genuine rapport with the birth mother of your child is a common denominator of most successful adoptions. This may be a new experience for you and stretch your comfort level, but it’s worth it. It increases your chances of getting your baby and will give you valuable information, which you can share with your adopted child as he/she gets older. Of course, you must respect any boundaries that your birth mother has and always be gracious.

If you have trouble breaking the ice give us a call. We can pass on some hints. If things don’t seem to be going well, call us.

Remember that there are a few birth mothers that want little or no contact with the adoptive parents. Your paperwork should tell you that. In these cases, the adoption professional that you hire will need to have a good relationship with your birth mother.

Keep in Contact with Us
Over the years we have seen certain patterns from birth mothers that intend to place, those that may not and scammers. By contacting us regularly on the progress of your situation we may be able to reassure you that things are going well or warn you to be careful. Keep in mind that some adoption professionals in this business lack the experience to read the writing on the wall.

Other Services
We also provide counseling, consultation and networking services as a given situation requires and permits. We do not charge for them and, therefore, we ask you to use them judiciously.